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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26531188">i feel it still</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/johndery/pseuds/johndery'>johndery</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>on that demon time, she might start an onlyfans [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Humor, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex, aka they're both horny and in love but don't know how to bring it up until they do, awkward confessions, elements of chatfic but i'm bad at formatting so forgive me, i think, some hyung kink</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:42:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,056</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26531188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/johndery/pseuds/johndery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <strong>
    johnny
  </strong><br/>
oh man<br/>
i probably shouldn’t say that
</p><p>
  <strong>
    jaehyun
  </strong><br/>
wtf now i’m curious<br/>
you can’t leave me hanging, hyungaaah~<br/>
is it dirty? 
</p><p>
  <strong>
    johnny
  </strong><br/>
not… exactly<br/>
okay well maybe it kinda is haha<br/>
but it’s not just… that
</p><p>
  <strong>
    jaehyun
  </strong><br/>
hyung.<br/>
stop speaking in tongues<br/>
need i remind u (again) that this whole chat started because you’ve been watching me ride artificial cock for a living orrr? 
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>on that demon time, she might start an onlyfans [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1929190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>341</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i feel it still</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hey god... me again<br/>i just wanna thank y'all for your support on this monstrosity's predecessor and of course my other fics as well - i see all your comments and i appreciate them so much. sadly my irl job (and anxiety to some degree) prevents me from properly responding to everyone but i promise i will actually get to it soon!!<br/>i debated for a long time if this should be the 2nd chapter to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24593596">look back, pose</a> or a separate work but evidently decided on the latter since this is my first time writing jaehyun pov and also the mood feels slightly less chaotic than johnny's disaster brain so... have this </p><p>enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> “hey man?” jaehyun hears jungwoo call for him from the living room, “why is <em>the</em> mark lee texting you?”</p><p>it takes almost all of his conscious strength for jaehyun not to drop the ceramic plate he’s washing clean of soapy bubbles under the water stream of the sink in the kitchen. his roommate’s voice drifts through his apartment like an omen and urges all his self-preservation instincts to turn on and deny absolutely everything, even the things he isn’t guilty of.</p><p>“who’s mark lee?” he shouts back as nonchalantly as possible, only to turn around to the sight of jungwoo holding up his phone, a very generous gift from one of his patrons in exchange for a ten minute video of his gaping asshole, the notification screen pulled down and highlighting a very clear twitter message from a user called <em>markleeTV</em>.</p><p>“really?” jungwoo questions, an eyebrow lifted in a way that makes the tiny hermit crab that’s jaehyun’s personality shrivel up inside its conch even harder, “you’re gonna pretend you don’t know mark lee, probably the most famous korean-american commentary youtuber on the internet right now, by this point winner of <em>several</em> awards and a whole documentary about his life currently on its third episode?”</p><p>jaehyun cringes and glances away from jungwoo’s piercing gaze, refusing to meet his best friend’s eyes. all his doubts about jungwoo being a witch become most prominent when he’s caught between a rock and a hard place with his incessant drilling for information pushing him into said rock until his spine threatens to break under the pressure. long story short: jaehyun is unable to lie to him. that’s why jungwoo found out about jaehyun’s side…<em> business</em> literally within the first twelve hours of him posting his first (terrible, it should be noted) racy video.</p><p>for the record, becoming an internationally recognized camboy was never a top priority in jaehyun’s life.</p><p>it was mostly an act of rebellion, with maybe a little desperation laced in there, as well. jaehyun’s parents weren’t exactly supportive of his idea to switch his major from medicine to linguistics when they’ve already mapped out an entire future for him as a renowned surgeon much like all the men in his family have been for generations. that, topped off by the fact that jaehyun is their only child with non-traditional sexual and romantic preferences, was ultimately what drove them apart and the parental figures that raised him have become nothing but another middle-aged rich couple living in a penthouse in gangnam.</p><p>jaehyun, on the other hand, became an estranged son whose name is widely avoided during obligatory family gatherings for the shame he brought to the jung household, and is now residing in an overpriced two bedroom apartment in itaewon with his roommate, best friend, fellow gay partner in crime and course colleague kim jungwoo. okay, now that he thinks about his humble beginnings, he can admit that the desperation may have been more at the forefront, after an entire week of mulling over their mutual friend taeil’s casual, albeit drunk comment that went something along the lines of: “jaehyun has the body of a pornstar.”</p><p>eventually he’d decided that taeil is right and that he’s just in the right amount of gray area between despair and total irreversible rock bottom to have nothing to lose. so what if he posts a video of himself masturbating on a throwaway twitter account with hashtags #gay #asian #twink #bottom? if nothing comes out of it, his face will never be shown, the e-mail address he used to create an account is fake and has no connection to his work and personal contacts, and if it picks up traffic he doesn’t like he can always deactivate the account before it turns into a mess he can’t fix.</p><p>and… well, he grossly underestimated how horny people on the internet are.</p><p>that had been two years ago. of course, after jungwoo found out, they had a long and very uncomfortable discussion about being safe as a sex worker online, protecting yourself and your identity first, before it gradually drifted off to the most creative ways to use lube and toys which would attract patrons. that’s when jaehyun’s suspicions of his roommate’s supernatural abilities first started, because after strictly following jungwoo’s advice, his account (since the first video gained over five thousand likes and twice as many views, the handle has been changed into something more appropriate) had blown up practically overnight. and today, jaehyun feels comfortable enough to show his face and use his name openly – and no one, not even jungwoo himself, knows that jaehyun isn’t technically his <em>real</em> name, anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. jung yuno has ceased to exist a long time ago and he hasn’t been recognized on the street yet, which might just be because he naturally looks a little intimidating when he’s in public – it’s the self-preservation instincts kicking in to protect him. what matters is that people eat up his content within seconds he posts it, send him extra donations and gifts for personal requests (whether said gifts are for him or for him to use on camera) and he can comfortably afford the rent and living expenses while focusing on his degree. what he’s <em>really</em> passionate about.</p><p>“hello?” jungwoo’s large hand waves in front of his face, flicking him in the nose and startling him out of his panicked train of thought, “don’t pretend to space out on me now, jung jaehyun. when were you gonna tell me you’ve smitten a <em>celebrity</em> with your juicy hole?”</p><p>the first thing that comes to mind is: “it’s not <em>mark lee</em> that’s smitten with it.” but he can’t exactly say that out loud, because it would prompt jungwoo to inquire further about <em>who</em> is jaehyun referring to, then, and the identity of the person in question is still held a secret, locked away in jaehyun’s ribcage, knocking against the bone of its confines every now and then when his phone lights up with a message and the contact name <em>johnny</em> pops up, asking him about his day.</p><p>and fine, when jaehyun said he can’t lie to his best friend, he may have stretched it over a little bit. he can’t lie about things jungwoo doesn’t have any suspicions about and knowing his line of work, jungwoo prefers to stay out of his business when jaehyun’s on the phone or filming in his bedroom (the inventor of noise cancelling earphones has a thankful blowjob lined up from jungwoo himself). the instances in which he does look at jaehyun’s phone are rare (when jaehyun isn’t near it) and only when jaehyun is occupied with other things so he can’t check his incoming messages (washing the dishes after a fulfilling homemade pot of kimchi jjigae they wolfed down in minutes) – it just so happens that this specific notification had been unfortunately timed and brought jaehuyn’s carefully built house of cards crumbling down.</p><p>of <em>course</em>, he knows who mark lee is. it’s the first name that he learned since his…. unconventional start of imessage history with previously mentioned <em>johnny</em>, the plague of jaehyun’s mind, the worst kind of thirst trap where he isn’t even aware of himself being one, probably the best fucking part of this whole camboy business he has set up. mark lee is johnny suh’s roommate. johnny suh is jaehyun’s <em>patron</em>.</p><p>his most favorite one.</p><p>“are you gonna open it?” he asks jungwoo instead, levelling him with a challenging look. jungwoo gives him an unimpressed stare in return and once jaehyun washes off the suds of dishwashing soap and dries his arms up to his elbows, he gives him the phone back with an indignant huff.</p><p>“you’ve changed, jung jaehyun,” he says, overdramatic, “ever since you’ve started getting clout you’ve forgotten about the person that’s been with you through thick and thin since the start.”</p><p>jungwoo should’ve been a drama major, jaehyun concludes. his sigh goes unnoticed, because jungwoo is covering his eyes with the back of his palm, throwing himself against the open doorframe that separates their living room from the kitchen, and wails with the power of sirens in his lungs, “is this how destiny’s child felt when beyoncé left them behind? is this betrayal measurable to what went through julius ceasar’s mind when he got stabbed for the first time? how will i ever recover from this?”</p><p>“jungwoo,” jaehyun berates, “i love this performance, but i promise you i’m <em>not</em> fucking markleeTV behind your back.”</p><p>jungwoo stops mid-cry and eyes him suspiciously, “and if you were, you’d tell me about it first?”</p><p>“of course,” jaehyun nods. that much is the truth, he <em>would</em>, because he’d be freaking out that a celebrity is interested in him in the first place, “look, we can even open the message together. i’m just as bedazzled as you are.”</p><p>he <em>is</em>. there’s no reason mark would be texting <em>him</em> unless it’s related to johnny in some way, which – maybe it was a bad idea to suggest reading the content of his text with jungwoo looming over his shoulder, his pointy chin digging directly into the crook of his neck, because if johnny’s name pops up jaehyun is fucked in a way he doesn’t like. but he also knows jungwoo won’t drop this topic until jaehyun amends his act of treachery in some way and gives him at least a sliver of <em>something</em>, so. risking it is.</p><p>jungwoo is entirely plastered to his back, decidedly ignoring the <em>onlyfans</em> notifications from horny middle-aged dudes commenting on his latest video, posted just the previous night, so jaehyun can expand the twitter pop-up and read mark’s message in full.</p><p><strong> <em>twitter<br/>@markleeTV: </em> </strong> <em>hey jaehyun! this must come as a surprise to you but i’m doing a series where i interview people from different fields and backgrounds based on my subscribers’ votes and online sex workers came up as one of the most voted. since you’ve been at the top of trending onlyfans accounts for half a year now i figured i should offer you the slot of the interviewee, but it’s totally okay if you’re not comfortable with that. please let me know as soon as possible!</em></p><p>“huh,” they both say in unison, “out of all the things i’ve expected him to say, this wasn’t even in the top ten of them,” jungwoo continues, bewildered.</p><p>jaehyun stares at the message for a long time. he has an inkling of suspicion why mark chose him specifically even through the completely rational reasoning of him reaching out, but he can’t voice it out while jungwoo is here. instead, he plays dumb, “same. i honestly thought he will ask for a hole pic under discretion.”</p><p>it makes jungwoo chuckle and jaehyun feels a sense of relief wash over him. he’s in the clear. the heavy weight lifts off jaehyun’s shoulders – literally, because jungwoo unglues himself from jaehyun’s back to lazily waddle back into the living room and continue his netflix binge, suddenly entirely uninterested in the business side of jaehyun’s, well, <em>business</em>, “shout at me if he <em>does</em> actually ask for it!”</p><p>jaehyun refuses to heave in relief, lest jungwoo sniffs out the lingering fear pheromones he’s emitting or something along those lines. once jungwoo is entirely out of his sight and the sound of the tv grumbles in the background, jaehyun feels safe enough to type back a reply.</p><p><strong><em>twitter<br/>@_jeongjaehyun:</em></strong> <em>hey mark! i must say, you really did surprise me there. the concept sounds fun, i’m always down for dismantling the stigma surrounding us lol. should i send you my schedule and we can work out a skype call?</em></p><p>the reply doesn’t come in an instant, for which jaehyun is grateful. it gives him at least some time to fully process how ridiculous this situation is.</p><p>even though they’ve never directly interacted until just now, jaehyun knows a lot about mark that’s beyond his youtuber persona and he’s pretty sure that mark knows things about jaehyun that don’t include his half-naked body wrapped in frilly lace and covered in cum in front of the camera. he knows mark this well because johnny has been complaining about his very existence in their shared apartment since the first day they started talking. he knows mark knows about <em>him</em>, because johnny sheepishly admitted to his roommate filming his emotional breakdown over his favorite camboy messaging him about the drunken five hundred dollars he deposited into jaehyun’s account, and to avoid any kind of youtube content for a while unless he miraculously talks mark out of uploading it.</p><p>he reported back successful in his mission a week later, but jaehyun wasn’t any less infatuated.</p><p>the thing is – despite the whole enormous donation thing being the catalyst for them to even start talking in the first place, and jaehyun’s (stupid, now that he thinks about it, definitely stupid and masochistic) offer to send a personalized video in return doing anything – <em>anything</em> – johnny wants of him, the actual incident doesn’t come up in their conversations at <em>all</em>.</p><p>it’s been three months. three whole months since jaehyun withdrew johnny’s five hundred dollars, roughly converted to a little less than six hundred thousand won, and it’s still sitting there in his bank account unused. he’d been waiting for the right opportunity to bring it up, the fact that he’s still storing johnny’s generous tip to directly finance the supplies for whatever crazy idea he might come up with (for a man like johnny, jaehyun isn’t below bending his body backwards to please him) except that opportunity simply… never comes.</p><p>it’s hard to talk much as it is, considering their busy schedules, 9,580 kilometers and a sixteen-hour timezone difference that separates them. when they <em>do</em> talk, johnny seems more interested in getting to know the details of jaehyun’s life and hobbies rather than the details of his cock and balls. it’s… weird. not a bad or a good weird, just… strange.</p><p>jaehyun won’t skirt around the fact that johnny caught his eye from the very beginning because of his interesting comments on jaehyun’s videos. they differed from the usual <em>what a pretty cockslut you are</em> and <em>come for daddy</em> he gets on the daily. he’s pretty much desensitized to those comments at this point, responding to them with practiced moans and feigned interest during his bi-weekly live streams (that johnny has seemingly stopped frequenting since they started talking. once again. weird.) not to mention, his username popped up as literally <em>johnnysuh</em>. since then he’d learned that johnny gets stressed too easily, being a future lawyer and all, and combats that stress with alcohol, which awakens the feral horny monster side of his brain that isn’t thinking straight when itching to get off. still. jaehyun can’t be blamed for having his interest piqued by this individual that would rather comment on the sci-fi posters on his wall instead of the alien shaped dildo jaehyun’s fucking himself with for a video.</p><p>he also thinks it’s perfectly valid of him to run the username through naver and google and dig up his instagram account, conveniently sharing their handles, and okay, he realizes now that the <em>johnnysuh</em> he found on there could be very different from the <em>johnnysuh</em> that’s leaving comments on his videos and tipping him after every livestream and faithfully renewing his subscription to jaehyun’s <em>onlyfans</em> every month, but call it his intuition. an inner feeling. the clenching of his gut that has nothing to do with his sudden desire to have this man inside of him. the <em>johnnysuh</em> he encountered on instagram was hot and young looking and residing in america according to his bio and his pictures were a grid of artsy buildings and nature shots mixed with random selfies that were just as artsy and maybe jaehyun’s been doomed from the start.</p><p>jaehyun thinks of himself as an attractive human and the surplus of compliments he gets for his content have kind of (rightfully so) inflated his ego – he knows he’s pretty, he has kissable lips and soft skin and a fit but still pliant body. he’s heard sonnets about the length of his eyelashes, his muscled thighs, his thin waist and the globes of his ass cheeks. he’s gotten love confessions through direct messages that centered around the sender showing just how much they appreciate jaehyun’s body. but all that faded into the background when his eyes landed on johnny.</p><p>johnny’s handsome. maybe not in a conventional way but jaehyun’s brain memorized the catlike curve of his mouth and his slanted dark eyes immediately. and beyond that – the few pictures he has with other people involved he sticks out like a sore thumb with his height and broad build, looming over them with a coffee in hand and dark circles, indicators of his exhaustion that shouldn’t be as attractive as they are. despite his tiredness, he’d smiled in every picture he posted of himself, a lazy kind of drawl that had jaehyun swooning. and beyond those pictures – his captions reminded jaehyun a lot of the <em>johnnysuh</em> that left awkward comments until jaehyun started encouraging him. best decision of his life if he’s being honest.</p><p>and then they started talking and well, jaehyun met the inevitable. on top of being ridiculously hot and probably part of the one percent of jaehyun’s subscribers that are in his age range, he’s an incredible human being. funny. smart. cares about the environment. a hard-worker – and apologizing profusely when he has to stop replying during the fifteen-minute windows of free time in-between their obligations because he has a deadline to meet. honestly, jaehyun should have expected this – for the johnny shaped hole in his heart to grow bigger and deeper, all the while his <em>literal</em> hole remains sadly empty and johnny-less.</p><p>he just wants to film the freaking video already, god damn it.</p><p>he doesn’t even realize he’s spacing out until his phone dings and vibrates in his hand, the screen alight with a new message from <em>@markleeTV</em>, and jaehyun unlocks it with face id before he can think twice about it.</p><p><strong> <em>twitter</em> </strong> <strong><br/><em>@markleeTV: </em> </strong> <em>so happy to hear that! actually, i had something else in mind. any chance you could come down here to sunny california so we can do the interview in person?</em></p><p>right at the same time, a notification bad pops up from<em> johnny</em>, covering the top half of mark’s message:</p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>hey :D </em></p><p>it takes all jaehyun’s strength not to pass out on the spot.</p><p>his head spins – johnny’s notification eventually fades away back into his unread ones while mark’s message remains opened and unanswered, the three dots popping up to indicate mark is typing something. he scrambles to swipe up the keyboard and frantically type back an answer – what that answer would be exactly, he hasn’t thought of yet – but <em>anything</em> will suffice, when mark sends something unexpected.</p><p><strong> <em>twitter<br/>@markleeTV</em> </strong> <strong>: </strong> <em>just fyi lol johnny doesn’t know about this. i was explicitly banned from ever contacting you. so don’t think i’m doing this on his behalf or something. </em></p><p><strong> <em>@_jeongjaehyun:</em> </strong> <em> i wasn’t thinking that, don’t worry lol</em></p><p>in a haste, jaehyun gets up and storms through the living room towards his own bedroom. jungwoo has fallen asleep on the couch in the meantime, so he has to be extra careful tiptoeing around him until he’s safely behind his door, locking it for good measure. he throws himself on his comfortable bed, ignoring the looming presence of the tripod and camera settled at the foot of the mattress, and opens mark’s conversation again.</p><p><strong> <em>twitter<br/>@markleeTV: </em> </strong> <em>cool! anyway, he’s been talking about you so much that i thought, well, why not kill two birds with one stone and give you an excuse to come down to la so y’all can finally meet in real life?<br/><strong>@markleeTV:</strong> i mean, this is all still just a suggestion btw. i can totally pay for your ticket if finances are the only problem but if you can’t make it we can just arrange a skype meeting instead.<br/><strong>@markleeTV:</strong> just putting that out on the table! anyway, i’ll give you some time to think it over and it’d be really helpful if you sent me your schedule so we can work a timetable out. i should have the video out by the end of the year but i can push it back a little if it doesn’t work for you since i have other stuff planned in advance. </em></p><p>a brief pause – mark types ridiculously fast – during which jaehyun can only stare blankly at the screen until it goes black and lights itself up <em>again</em> with mark’s final message:</p><p><strong><em>twitter<br/>@markleeTV:</em></strong> <em>for the record, you make johnny really happy. lol i haven’t seen him smile this much since he still had hope in his eyes during freshman year.</em></p><p>something inside jaehyun just – snaps. as an automatic response he leaves mark’s messages read and prays to god that the youtuber won’t think of that as rude or a rejection but he instinctively searches for johnny’s previous notification and clicks on it, an instant wave of calm washing over him when the chat opens up and he rereads the messages they sent hours ago, when jaehyun was getting ready for bed.</p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>hey hyung~</em></p><p>after learning the details of johnny’s background and his shamefully crude knowledge of the korean language, it has become sort of a joke between them for jaehyun to reply to johnny’s english in korean and johnny to jaehyun’s impeccable english with broken korean. more often than not, johnny ends up fake yelling at him for making fun of him, but even through text jaehyun can read johnny’s moods perfectly and knows when not to cross the line.</p><p>now he hopes more than ever that johnny can’t read him that well in return.</p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>what’s up?<br/>i just got rejected from *another* internship i applied for… i mean, really, Who in their right mind sends out rejection emails at 11 pm??</em></p><p>he follows his messages with a string of crying emojis and even his own animoji with tears streaming down his face and jaehyun barks out a laugh despite his internal panic from the earlier secret conversation he had with johnny’s roommate. it should be alarming how easy it is to converse about such random, mundane topics with the man who pays him money to get exclusive footage of the inside of his hole.</p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>poor hyungie :( is there anything i can do to cheer you up?</em></p><p>really, jaehyun has a few things in mind. most of them are selfish, fueled by his attraction to johnny and the pent-up frustration from underwhelming orgasms he’s been having on camera. his stream is tomorrow, a new video is waiting to be edited, and he should probably film the request from <em>KnottyDaddy69</em>, but all he really wants is to help johnny relieve some of his tension in whichever way he prefers.</p><p>mark’s offer pushes itself to the forefront again and his treacherous lizard brain supplies: <em>you could help him if you were there</em>.</p><p>he <em>could</em> – but he isn’t sure how much it’s possible. true, his fall semester has just started and he has less classes this year because the spring semester is hiding all the true terrors that await him and if mark needs the video done by the end of the year he <em>could</em>, potentially, book a flight for los angeles and spend his christmas break there – if johnny would even have him, that is. but then again, mark wouldn’t have made such a bold statement if he didn’t think johnny’s interested in meeting him, right?</p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>can we just talk for a little bit?<br/>i missed you</em></p><p>jaehyun’s heart leaps to his throat. it’s the little things like this – the tiny almost confessions of johnny’s affection that make jaehyun hesitant to bring up their deal even if johnny was the one who said he needed some time to think about what he wants. because somehow, on the journey of their blossoming – friendship? flirtationship? relationship? – it became more about what they like in each other as people, rather than their carnal desires. even if jaehyun still very much wishes to get rawed.</p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>shit sry<br/>that was weird lol<br/>i mean<br/>i miss you a normal amount<br/>as much as one misses their friend after not talking to them for like 10 hours<br/>haha let’s go w/ that<br/>i must go now i heard my grave has finished digging</em></p><p>jaehyun chuckles again. johnny’s nervousness is so endearing, especially after finding out just what kind of a man he is. and okay, maybe jaehyun is a little scared of the feelings that are blossoming inside him for a person he’s never met in real life, but the more they talk the more that fear dissipates into anticipation. and a little frustration.</p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>hyung-ah<br/>it’s okay<br/>i missed you too</em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>ahdddddd<br/>man<br/>idk why i’m so nervous suddenly haha<br/>i guess the stress is getting to me<br/>so i’m rambling </em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>we can talk about it, if you want<br/>i have to do some editing later but i’m free right now<br/>you’re getting ready for bed already? </em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>no, not yet<br/>i mean i *am* in bed but<br/>just lying here<br/>thinking about u</em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>oh ?<br/>what about me? </em></p><p>oh, how grateful jaehyun is that he had enough common sense to migrate to his bedroom before their conversation progressed any further. briefly he thinks – this is <em>it</em>, it’s the opportunity he’s been waiting for, he can finally bring up the video as a nice surprise to brighten johnny’s shitty week – but all he can really focus on is how much easier this would be if he was <em>there</em>, next to johnny, curled up into his side and letting the older use him as a stress ball. or whatever he wants.</p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>oh man<br/>i probably shouldn’t say that</em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>wtf now i’m curious<br/>you can’t leave me hanging, hyungaaah~<br/>is it dirty? </em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>not… exactly<br/>okay well maybe it kinda is haha<br/>but it’s not just… that</em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>hyung.<br/>stop speaking in tongues<br/>need i remind u (again) that this whole chat started because you’ve been watching me ride artificial cock for a living orrr? </em></p><p>jaehyun can almost imagine it – the way johnny chokes around his message like it’s a punch to the gut. he smirks a little to himself. he doesn’t play that card often, only when johnny starts skirting around the fact that even if their conversations are rated teen now, three months ago they were so explicit that jaehyun sometimes came from johnny’s words alone. not that johnny knew that at the time. even now he has no idea that in some of the videos he’s watched, jaehyun’s phone was hidden away from the camera with the perfect view of johnny’s instagram selfie opened up, the one where he’s flexing his arm. he’s still too ashamed to admit that but he won’t deny himself some of the best orgasms of his life either.</p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>a9$d=”f/,&gt;<br/>u cant jus tsay that!!<br/>i almsot dropped my phone onmy face </em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>lol be careful<br/>i can think of softer things to drop on yr face</em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>W=”k:&gt;##<br/>jae<br/>hyun<br/>jung<br/>!!!<br/>are we really doing this rn? </em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>doin what ? </em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>this<br/>sexting<br/>or whatever<br/>because if yes<br/>i need to prepare mentally first lol</em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>sexting ?<br/>i could’ve been talking about a pillow y’know? :p</em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>…<br/>just remembered that grave again brb :D </em></p><p>so endearing. the urge to slam his head into johnny’s chest to calm him down has never been stronger. suddenly, jaehyun is hyperaware of the way his body is trembling, be it from nerves of his stressful afternoon or just the exhilaration from talking to johnny. most likely, it’s a combination of both. either way, he needs to push this. he needs to <em>know</em>.</p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>don’t b ridiculous.<br/>the pillow in question = my ass<br/>there<br/>now it’s your turn</em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>my.. turn?</em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>say something sexy<br/></em> <em>cmon john. i know you have it in u<br/>or are u only bold in places other ppl can see?</em></p><p>for a while, johnny doesn’t respond. jaehyun inwardly panics, wondering if he crossed a line. if the reason johnny has been holding back from the explicit side of their conversations, and in turn, the video that started it all, because somewhere down the road he realized that’s not what he wants from jaehyun. maybe pushing it <em>now</em> wasn’t such a bright idea. they’ve also subconsciously switched their conversation entirely to english which – well, it’s never happened before, so jaehyun is threading unknown ground here in more ways than one.</p><p>but still. it’s <em>johnny</em>. even if he’s only seen his face in pictures and heard his voice two times over long tipsy voice notes (knowledge he stores away in a feral part of his brain that comes out when he’s on the brink of orgasm and needs a final push of an imagined johnny telling him to <em>let go</em>), he knows that the older man would never intentionally hurt him. whatever is going through his brain must be an internal conflict.</p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>no<br/>i’m not.<br/>but… you know that’s not all you are to me, right? </em></p><p>jaehyun stares blankly.</p><p><em>oh</em>.</p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>i mean<br/>uhh okay i might as well just say it<br/>i’ve just been thinking how… different you are, now that i’ve gotten to know you<br/>like yeah before i was just one of your patrons<br/>and ok maybe i’ve always been kinda a hopeless romantic and like… clutched to the little bits of information i had about u<br/>but since u messaged me after that fiasco (i swear i haven’t touched henny since then!!)<br/>you’re just so… incredible as a person too<br/>and yeah i’ve thought about the video!!</em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>but i’m scared of bringing it up because<br/>i think i like you<br/>and i don’t want you to think i’m asking for it just because i wanna jerk off to it or whatever<br/>(i mean i do. let it be clear)<br/>but i also wanna hear about your day after it’s done and tell you about mine<br/>that kinda stuff<br/>i didn’t want it to go away after the video is sent and all</em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>oh<br/>oh my god</em></p><p>in hindsight, it’s probably a bad thing to say but jaehyun’s head is spinning, mind long lost in the gutter, and all he can really do at the moment is bury his head into the pillow like an ostrich and muffle a scream of – happiness? shock? hysteria? his phone drops out of his hand momentarily, but it’s still going off with incoming messages and he really hasn’t expected his afternoon to take this turn at <em>all</em>.</p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>omg i didn’t expect my evening to take this turn at all<br/>i thought i’d just complain about my criminal justice exam and the internship and then go to sleep<br/>but yeah i think it’s quite obvious i’m into you actually? so i might as well have just said it<br/>(i may sound super confident about this but i promise i’m actually freaking out irl right now so please say something jaehyunie) </em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>is that why you’ve been avoiding it??<br/>because u like me<br/>i haven’t seen u in my livestreams either<br/>johnny u idiot </em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>???</em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>i mean<br/>this whole time i’ve been scared of bringing it up in case u don’t want me anymore<br/>because i like you too stupid<br/>both for your massive heart and your massive cock</em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>oh<br/>oh my god</em></p><p>with his head still smothered by the pillow, jaehyun finds it in himself to laugh again. from being unsure where they stand to contemplating travelling across the world for this man to a love confession – it’s too much, all at once, and yet.</p><p>and yet he can’t think of anything more on brand for them than this.</p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>hyungah<br/>you said you’re stressed, right?<br/>let me help you<br/>please? </em></p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>how?<br/>not to be gross or anything but i’m kinda too sappy rn so i’m not hard lol</em></p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>give me 10 minutes<br/>i can change that</em></p><p>he positions himself properly on his bed, sinking into his soft mattress, and glances down at his attire. his housewear consists of an oversized hoodie and shorts with thermo socks since september is both hot and cold in intervals and seoul’s humidity is just about close to driving him insane. he hopes that johnny likes the sight of jaehyun in clothes that swallow him whole – maybe he can pretend the hoodie is johnny’s, and jaehyun stole it from him because he likes the way it smells. just the thought of that gets him excited – johnny’s <em>i think i like you</em> replaying in his mind over and over again only amplifies the exhilarating feeling, which is exactly the motivation he needs to switch his phone camera to selfie mode and press record.</p><p>he doesn’t really have a set theme in mind, which means he’ll have to edit this video in imovie before sending it out but it’s a quick thing, a preview of what’s to come and what he can do with proper equipment and preparation. he has until now picked up on the little things that johnny likes, though at the moment he’s pretty sure that the older will like anything that he sends him, as long as jaehyun is the center of it. so he extends his arm a little to capture more of himself, admiring his face on the screen, running his fingers through his hair and tugging on the strands at the base of his skull to make himself moan under his breath, mumbling, “this is what i like.”</p><p>even his voice already sounds wrecked. it comes out higher pitched than he thought it would, and the heat in his belly slowly awakens to a nice little burn. it’s been a while since he was this excited to film. sure, he enjoys getting fucked, and one’s got to have a certain exhibitionist streak to do the kind of things jaehyun does, but nothing compares to how good it feels when he imagines it’s johnny there with him, guiding him through it.</p><p>“i like to be manhandled,” he mumbles into the microphone, tugging on his hair one more time before dragging his fingertips gently over his cheekbones and lips and down to his jawline, dipping his forefinger into the collar of his hoodie, “i’m all sensitive around my neck. you can kiss me here once and i’ll just open my legs for you,” his finger swims back out and he extends his arm a little further to capture the view of his hand fisting the grey cotton and lifting the hoodie up to expose his toned abdomen, “you can hold me down and turn me around so my head is in the pillows and i’m just a hole for you to stuff and fill until you’re satisfied.”</p><p>he hums, outlining the growing chub in his shorts with his palm, teasing himself in a way that makes him gasp – in a way that he imagines johnny would, “wouldn’t you like that, hm? to just use me however you want? i’ll be so good for you, hyung. whenever it gets too much you can just prop me up and slide right in. i’ll always be wet and ready for you.”</p><p>filming himself from the back has always been difficult, especially when he wants to finger himself open and capture it properly, so he doesn’t attempt to fumble with the angles when he’s already growing frustrated himself. he doesn’t want to come – not on video, not <em>now</em>, not until johnny sees him and how worked up he is. he dips the waistband of his shorts and the boxers underneath instead and exposes the smooth, shaved skin of his v-line, pushing the material down all the way until he’s fully exposed to the camera, his cock twitching where it’s pushing into his hand, aching to be touched.</p><p>but he refuses to. he doesn’t know if johnny would want him to touch himself before he comes first. and because he’s unhinged, and has no self-control, and mark planted the seed that has already bloomed into a full-grown flower by now – he mutters, “i wish i was with you.”</p><p>“i wish you were here to touch me, hyung,” he hopes that his balance between korean and english is good enough for johnny to understand – though he has to admit the older’s korean has gotten progressively better since they started talking, at least when it comes to dirty talk. still. jaehyun likes calling him hyung. there’s a certain level of authority and hierarchy that leaves his head dizzy and the heat pooling in his stomach threatening to spill. johnny’s his <em>hyung</em>. he’s older and more experienced and he can guide jaehyun into any position he wants, which is exactly what jaehyun confesses to the camera, “i wish i could feel your weight on top of mine so i don’t know where your body ends and mine begins. i wish you could just – bend me in half and fuck me however you want and maybe hold my hand through it,” he gasps when his hand tightens around his cock and he realizes, belatedly, that he’s been trying to fuck into his fist subconsciously, lost in thought, “’m sorry, i can’t help it. i wish you were here. i wish i was there. fuck, hyung, please tell me i can come-”</p><p>he stops the recording there, abruptly pressing the button that shuts the video off and takes a deep breath to steady himself, a hand still wrapped around his dick but unmoving. only johnny could get him this worked up from a few light touches. it’s crazy because jaehyun’s done some pretty extreme stuff – there were times when he couldn’t sit properly for a few days from how swollen his hole had been. but with the thought of johnny, even the simplest touches become too much. and they’re undeniably his favorite.</p><p>he quickly wipes his hands with the wet wipes he keeps on his nightstand and crops the video into something that isn’t so rushed, cutting out the parts where he’s just breathing, mind spacing out with thoughts of johnny there with him. he’s already an expert at this, but he refuses to look at the video again and decides to just send it.</p><p>he checks the time when the video delivers – ten minutes on the dot. johnny reads it immediately.</p><p>the clip ends up being around five minutes long in total so jaehyun waits for those five minutes to expire, anxiously grinding his hips upwards, refusing to touch himself despite the warmth coursing through his veins and his cock demanding attention. it’s the anticipation of johnny’s response that keeps him hard even though he’s not doing anything to stimulate it. incredible. johnny has no clue just how whipped jaehyun is.</p><p>on the five-minute expiration mark, johnny texts him this:</p><p><strong> <em>johnny</em> </strong> <em><br/>jaehyun ie<br/>can w facetim? pls</em></p><p>he doesn’t add anything after thirty seconds and the three dots don’t show up either which can only mean he’s waiting for a response and jaehyun – well, he can’t really bring himself to type or question why they haven’t facetimed before this, so he just searches for the call button and presses it in a haste. johnny’s contact picture comes up – he’d sent him the selfie within the first few hours of them talking, lounging in his bed with his hair sticking up in different corners and his eyes droopy because he was nursing a disgustingly heavy hangover. thinking about it, maybe jaehyun had fallen for him even back then.</p><p>either way, it takes an entire five seconds for johnny to pick up, and all jaehyun’s anxiety and panic over talking to him in real time using his words fades with the sight of how messed up johnny is.</p><p>the background is the same as the one in his selfie – olive grey walls dimly lit by his bedside lamp and johnny’s face over his entire screen, his eyes so dark they’re almost black and even in the semi-darkness jaehyun can make out the flush of arousal on his cheekbones. his hair is messy like he’s run his fingers through it and jaehyun can see in the little rectangle that he isn’t very much different. however, johnny is very much <em>shirtless</em>, and jaehyun can make out his broad shoulders and the top of his pectorals from the angle of his camera. some primal part of jaehyun salivates.</p><p>“hey,” johnny mumbles, his voice deep and husky and a little ruined. jaehyun thinks it sounds even better like this than when he’s fueled by drink, “you’re so pretty.”</p><p>it’s impossible to suppress the whine that tears from his throat at the compliment. yeah, he’s heard it a billion times before but johnny makes it sound like the only compliment in the world. like jaehyun’s been attention starved and aching for someone to call him pretty and then johnny just – delivered it to him. <em>fuck</em>. he should say something instead of panting like an idiot.</p><p>“you’re pretty too,” he says back, and refuses to cringe at the cheesiness because it makes johnny smile and it’s the only sight he ever wants to see, he thinks.</p><p>“not as pretty as you,” johnny says, “that video… fuck, jaehyun. you have no idea what i wanna do to you.”</p><p>“then tell me,” he urges, because he has to <em>know</em>. this time he allows his hand to fully wrap around his cock and tug on it, “tell me how you’d ruin me, hyung.”</p><p>“wanna fuck you, jae,” he hears johnny groan, a slick sound of lubed fingers clicking in the background and oh, johnny is the type to like it wet, “wanna fuck you deep and raw, i promise, you’d feel me in your stomach.”</p><p>“oh,” jaehyun gasps, the very image of it nearly sending him over the edge. instead he focuses on the heat in his belly and the ache in his dick, begging for release. he feels so – <em>empty</em>, but he doesn’t want to drop his phone and grab the lube, too, since it wouldn’t feel the same if it was just his fingers. it’s not <em>johnny’s</em> fingers, so it wouldn’t feel as good.</p><p>“and i’d tell you just how beautiful you are, taking all of me even though you thought you couldn’t,” johnny’s voice wavers only once, but it goes deeper, so he’s dragging it out directly from his chest, “i’d hold your hand by your head and bend your knees to your ears and kiss you through it while you just let me use you as i please.”</p><p>jaehyun whines, the hand around his cock stuttering for a moment, tightening around the base to give him a tighter hole to fuck into. “is that something you’d like?” johnny taunts, and jaehyun presses his phone closer to his ears so he can feel johnny’s voice down to his spine, “you’d really let me manhandle you, put you in any position i want?”</p><p>“y-yeah,” jaehyun stutters, “anything you want hyung, i’m- i’m just your cocksleeve.”</p><p>weirdly enough, saying that makes him feel almost embarrassed. he’s <em>never</em> embarrassed – he’s said and done much more explicit, downright degrading things for the consumption of his patrons and most loyal tippers. and yet, johnny’s chuckle right into his ear awakens some sick feeling between mortification and excitement. if johnny were here- god, if johnny were here, what other things would he make jaehyun say and do?</p><p>“you’re not just that,” johnny scolds, though there’s no real bite to his tone, just pure, unbridled heat that makes jaehyun fuck his fist harder, faster, “you’re my jaehyunie, my pretty baby, aren’t you? move your camera a bit so i can see you. wanna see your face when i come.”</p><p>jaehyun obeys – there’s not a bone in his body that would defy johnny right about now. he lets johnny see just how wrecked he is, how his skin is flushed, and his eyes are glossy, and he can’t close his mouth. it seems to do something to johnny – his eyes flash with something dark, widen before they narrow and zone in on something on jaehyun’s face, and then he mumbles, “keep fucking yourself for me, angel. you can imagine my touch, can’t you? you’d feel so tiny under me. so pliant. can you come with me?”</p><p>“i can,” jaehyun whines, “i can, hyung, i promise.”</p><p>“good,” johnny shushes him, and it’s only then that jaehyun realizes he’s close to crying, “good boy, you’re so good for me jaehyunie, just how i thought you’d be.”</p><p>“you thought about this?” <em>about us</em>, he wants to say, but his brain cuts him off with the need to come, hand tugging on his dick at a different angle that he knows will make him spill in seconds.</p><p>“of course, angel,” johnny’s words come out as a growl, “i think about you every day, even when we don’t talk. sometimes you’re the only thing that can get me through my day.”</p><p>“hyungie,” jaehyun whimpers. he’s <em>so close</em>, he just needs johnny to say the word, “gonna come, please- please let me-”</p><p>“you can, jaehyunie,” johnny whispers, his own camera shaking and it’s all confirmation jaehyun needs that he’s almost there, too, “come for me, baby.”</p><p>mind-numbing pleasure explodes through jaehyun’s body when he finally allows himself to release, white streaks of warm cum painting his stomach and the bottom of his crumpled hoodie. that’ll be a bitch to clean, but he can’t think about anything with his muscles slackening and his brain melting inside his skull, the after-effects of his orgasm sending waves of relaxation through him. he sighs, a slow whine escaping him when his sensitive cock twitches with the last spurt of cum it can give, and jaehyun’s arm falls weak on his side, dirtying his sheets.</p><p>“jaehyunie?” he hears johnny’s voice faintly call from his phone. his <em>phone</em>. right, because they’re calling right now, in the flesh, “you with me?”</p><p>“yeah,” is the only thing jaehyun can mumble, still coming to his senses, gathering his surroundings, most prominently johnny’s fucked-out face on his screen, looking just as pleased and even sleepier than usual, “’m here, hyung.”</p><p>“i’ve never seen you like this,” johnny chuckles, but it’s drawled out and lazy, like he can barely speak himself, “so… submissive.”</p><p>“it’s the johnny effect,” jaehyun shrugs, not bothering to act coy or innocent anymore. not as his brain reboots and he’s slowly brought back to reality, his train of thought suddenly very clear and determined, “i should’ve been more blunt when i made that video offer the first time.”</p><p>“hmm?” johnny hums, not getting it.</p><p>“i mean, i thought it was quite obvious,” jaehyun shrugs, “that i only offered because it was you.”</p><p>“oh,” johnny says, then pauses, “i thought it was a five hundred bucks special.”</p><p>“ha ha,” jaehyun fake laughs, but the intention behind it is light, and he sees johnny’s perfect, kissable lips lift up in a smile, “go to sleep, hyung.”</p><p>“mmhmmm,” he hears johnny hum, his heavy eyelids fluttering shut, and he watches as – his friend? boyfriend? future husband? – slowly drifts off to dreamland, mumbling something under his breath that comes out as unintelligible garble. it’s jaehyun’s cue to end the call and take a shower, apologize to jungwoo profusely because his moaning most likely woke him up and then finally edit that godforsaken video waiting for him on his hard drive.</p><p>not before he wraps up some loose ends, though.</p><p>to johnny, he writes:</p><p><strong> <em>jaehyun</em> </strong> <em><br/>if u think THIS was the $500 vid ur sadly mistaken lol<br/>even if u never told me what ur idea was, i got one of my own now :-)<br/>sleep tight, hyungie</em></p><p>and then, after checking for prices on flights from incheon to LAX in late december, he <em>finally</em> opens up his twitter messages with mark, and types back his response.</p><p><strong><em>twitter<br/>@_jeongjaehyun:</em></strong> <em>sorry for the late reply! i’ll have to make some arrangements but i think an in-person interview would be a good idea.<br/><strong>@_jeongjaehyun:</strong> if you’re down for working on christmas, that is. :p</em></p><p>and finally, because he just can’t help himself, he adds:</p><p><strong> <em>twitter<br/>@_jeongjaehyun</em> </strong> <em>: and for the record, johnny makes me really happy, too. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>me when i started writing this: you'll set this up to have another part, won't you?<br/>me after i finished: bet</p></blockquote></div></div>
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